It was long back in beginning of August when I returned from my summer holiday trip, and yet somehow I was not out of its wonderful charm until recently (though sometimes I really doubt that!). I had a fantastic vacation and returned full of lovely experiences; experiences that return as memories from time to time. However, it was not just about wonderful memories. It was somewhat like a spell that made me rather ignore the fact that I was actually back, kept me away from regular life and work. A spell that each of my longer holiday trips casts on me and the lazy holiday mood that simply lingers on. I remained somewhat in a state of denial. The mood was just of some lazy delight. And the story telling, pictures made the situation worse. It was so hard to just start working in the lab. There was no concentration for work and somehow I just wished the clock to tick on. Simply procrastinate. It was just hard to be back.
It was easier to get back into everyday routine when I was little. Holidays were then planned during the school vacations. With a few days of school leave still left, after returning from a lovely trip there was this buffer time to tell the stories and relive the memories. I would happily chatter around about such awesome places I saw. Dad would bring home one evening the printed pictures. Eagerly we would see how the pictures came out. And with the pictures it was visiting those places once again in memories. We would talk about little things from our trips, what we liked, what was best. There was simply no end and there was no need of the end. I had the time for the luxury of indulging in those memories and being lazy.
And finally, when the school would reopen, it was no problem. I would rather wait for it to reopen. I would get the chance to tell the stories to friends and ‘brag’ about it. Telling stories and listening to others filled the breaks between classes. It was all simply excitement, and going back to school did not feel like burden. During the classes there was anyway no other way out than to study, listen to the teacher, and solve problems. Even though then also I was forced back to regular rhythm, the force was however not felt.
Next came the college phase and its vacations. The long vacations were spent at hometown. Home, family, friends, good food, coupled with a short trip somewhere made it a perfect luxury after each hectic semester. Returning to the hostel with another more hectic semester to welcome us was bad. However, it was different living in a hostel. It was like another holiday except for during the exam times. Living with all the girls, chatting around, gossips; we were busy and having fun all the time. And therefore, even though we missed home; we actually looked forward to meet each other once we were already in Akurdi and catch up with the stories. It was just another phase of holiday with a little hint of homesickness in it. At least until the internal exams knocked on the door and we were forced to study.
But now that I work it is different. I cannot imagine how it would be if I was working in public sector, IT or whatever else, maybe I would be forced into the work and it would be easier in the end. But I do not. I am required to be back to work and work, but I am sort of on my own (thanks to my boss also!). So, unless there is some close deadline to meet, I had the ‘time’ to procrastinate. And there was no real deadline to meet when I came back after the holidays.
I had to be back to work the very next day and I was supposed to be working for eight hours a day. And I did start ‘working’ eight hours. However, in this entire story, there was a big ‘but’. I was back to everyday life but the pulse was missing. I had no mood for work. I felt so bored that I had to be at work. Sitting in front of the computer I did something, but at the end of the day I had no clue what I did. Everything was going so slow. And I did not like it at all. The minimum concentration required to work productively was missing.
Same was the situation back in home. I was cooking half-heartedly. Cleaning was postponed as much as possible. There was no mood for hobbies. I was just lazy. Even the stories about the holiday, those hundreds of pictures did not excite me so much. It was a wonderful holiday and its memories made me smile. I was happy and excited with the stories. But indulging in those memories was not what I wished. I wished the holiday itself. Back. Again. I wished to simply continue treating myself with the relaxation, laziness and excitement of a holiday. I hated the routine life and searched for all ways to escape it. Therefore, there was no trying to force myself back. I allowed myself to be in the mood. Every day I reminded myself of the reality and in the end simply let the mood win.
But in the end it could not go on forever. I had to go back to regular work pattern and this blissful holiday mood had no way to survive longer. I don’t have a nagging boss who drives me crazy. But then, work slowly piled up which in the end had to be finished, deadline crept nearer. I just had to be ‘back’ from my holiday. It did not matter if there was concentration or lack of it. So well, did I have any option? I could not just afford to be indulged in the perfect holiday mood. And it was just so hard to be back. But, somewhere in this story, somehow maybe, I think, the holiday mood also started fading away and I got excited with work again..
But wait. The mood is again trying to seep back. With the Durga puja around the corner; even though I am nowhere near the festivity, I am again exuberant. My mind is again fleeting. I again feel this charming laziness around me. And with every little chance I just provoke this mood. Little weekend trips, lazy evenings at home, eating pizza instead of cooking, or cooking something I love, experimenting.. Just somehow letting the clock move on and forget time. The holiday mood still lingers on…
Oh, now when am I supposed to work??
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