The girl in me..

I step on the crisp dried leaves and make them crunch. I blow whistle through the primroses. I dress up as Maya bee for the mask carnival and get a matching balloon. I love to swing and slide in the children’s park. I can hardly resist the temptation of dipping the foot in the tiny little stream. I still read fairy tales. I sing children songs and rhymes. I live the girl in me…

Whenever I seek for some comfort reading, when I do not wish to start a new book, I go back to fairy tales books and other favorite books from my childhood. A particular collection of Russian fairy tales was my first real storybook. And for years I had read the book almost every day. I knew every story by heart. I of course had my favorites. Even I would read to my brother every day after lunch his favorite story. I remember how I did not know reading properly when I started reading the book. Those 1-2 pages short folk tales with animal characters mostly were all I could read. How eager and excited I was each time I managed to read a longer and more difficult story. I loved all the stories with ‘Little Ivan’. ‘Baba Yaga’ intrigued me rather than scaring me. The book has completely worn out; the red paper covering the hardbound is gone. It was my very first folk tale book; and still one of my most favorite books. Often I fondly go back to its old yellowish used pages. I love reading it. And whenever I do so, the childhood glee and wonder fills my heart. I feel again like the girl making the first step into the world of books.

I still remember loads of children songs and rhymes. I am not someone who sings a lot or listens to music much. However, I love playing these children songs on YouTube. I sing these rhymes when I am happy. I quickly glance through and read a few of the rhymes in a children’s book at the bookstore. These rhymes do not necessarily have to bring along my childhood memories. I love the Slovenian intro song of the Maya bee cartoon. And when I first heard the ‘Vesele Račke’ song I just fell in love with it. It is funny that often times while driving somewhere with the car, Blaž and me are singing these songs. Sometimes he would start the ‘Hashbabaji’ and other rhymes I taught him, and I would happily join :). I love their sunny melody, the cherry rhythm in those meaningless lines, and the sheer glee of ‘smiles without reasons’ that they bring.

Leaves have always fascinated me. I used to collect leaves during our childhood mountain holidays. My most favorite are the compound leaves. I like the small leaflets neatly arranged on the stem. After coming to Slovenia, I started liking pine needles. Whenever I am walking in nature, I like to pick up a dried twig, a dried branch, or a tall blade of grass. If I find one, that always makes me happy. Somehow, I like to drag it around with me. I love the dancing of the dried leaves in the late autumn wind. And then, I discovered the pleasure of stepping on the crisp dried leaves. I step here and I hop there. Each time I relish the churching sound under my feet. I make a crazy zigzag on the pavement and the heart soars in innocent delight.  The carpet of dried leaves in the woods makes the loveliest music as I walk on.

The spring is a celebration of colors. The snowdrops peek their head through the melting snow. Soon after, there appears a dash of yellow there, some dots of blue here, a cluster of red by the road. I love the bright play of colors amidst the fresh green. We go for the ‘flower walk’, taking a nearby long path where we know different spring flowers bloom in the wild. And then I pluck a gentle yellow primrose growing by the road and blow air through it in a loud whistle.  My eyes shine in joy. A bit later in the summer as the dandelions start to get dry, with a mischievous smile I pluck one dried globe of dandelion and blow off all its seeds on Blaž. 

Whenever I pass by a children’s park I have this strong strong wish to slide down the park slide and soar into the air sitting on the swing. I am a lot shy and control my wishes when there are children around. However, never miss a chance when I am alone. And some children know that I can be their ideal playmate. Once when we visited Blaž’s cousin at their weekend house, the little one, Filip, wanted me to slide with him. The next moment we were sliding down his little yellow slide, the sounds of our laughter filling the air.

The Maya bee balloon

Slovenia celebrates this big mask festival at the end of winter. I went around the stores searching for a perfect costume. And was disappointed. Everything I liked was available only in sizes for children! ‘I don’t wish to dress up like that’, I thought as I checked the aisle displaying costumes for adults. I wanted to be the butterfly with the colorful wings made out of the shimmering material. I fancied being the bright red ladybug. I wished to buzz around as the cheerful yellow bee! Finally, I bought a bee costume for children. It was in the form of an apron. I decided to get it and work on it to fit my size. Face painting colors and a cute big antenna was bought. I paired it up with matching black and yellow colored dress. Lo and behold, I was smiling and shinning like a cute bee, just from the cartoon. Of course, Blaž also had to dress similarly! Buzzing around at the carnival, we saw this balloon seller with big Maya-bee balloons. I so much wished to have one. He insisted on me getting one. And bought one for me!! The rest of the day, I was walking around with the smiles on the balloon and on my face matching.

I like to chase pigeons. And watch frogs. I make a crown with dandelions and wear it. I always get this urge to put the unknown wild berries in my mouth. And every time I see a green slope, I wish to roll down. I can pretend to be an airplane running down some empty scenic road. I wear dresses with ribbons and bows. I just cannot help myself and stop being the little girl. She makes me smile every time :)